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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]One question: why do you still spend time with her?  I'm asking earnestly, not to be snarky.[/quote]

Because she's my mom, and if I didn't, no one else would.  :(  Oh, wait, except her sister, who she also treats crappy.  I think she has some sort of personality disorder?  And I don't think she'd learn to be nicer if I rejected her, either.  She'd just feel more persecuted than she already does.  [/quote]

Well not seeing her wouldn't be about teaching her a lesson on how to be nice.  It'd be an act of self-care.  You are allowed to say that you won't tolerate people being mean to you and you are allowed to stop spending time with people who are mean to you.

If she's still able to bother you with these comments, it might be wise to look after yourself and limit contact.  Or you can continue to attempt to have nerves of steel around her.  But from what you wrote you really are letting her make you feel bad.

I'm sorry your mother is so mean to you OP.  It's not right or fair.[/quote]

These are good points, and I've considered cutting her off before.  But that's a really lose-lose way of thinking about it.  She's old and mean, but that doesn't mean that the things she says really needs to have a larger impact on my life.  I just move on, make a joke of it, and I've ended up being really resilient and easygoing in other contexts.  And she's had such a sad, horrible life, that having her only child give up on her would be such a pathetic capper to it.  I think she has some form of mental illness which contributes to her meanness (you should see how she treats DH!), so I try to act accordingly.  Of course no one deserves to be treated badly, but life's not always ideal I guess.[/quote]

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