Reply to Teaching "good touch, bad touch" in the wake of the Oyster-Adams sex abuse case

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Reply to "Teaching "good touch, bad touch" in the wake of the Oyster-Adams sex abuse case"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have something to add/dispute on the fact sheet which is telling kids not to keep secrets they don't feel comfortable with. I have it on good authority that a better policy is "NO secrets". Surprises- ie a present you are going to give someone are ok, but you shouldn't from your child to accept secrets from adults. Make sure family members and caregivers know this and do not say things like: "this cookie will be our little secret". If an adult EVER tells you not to tell mom and dad something- tell immediately. (Obvs most appropriate for the very young child and may need subtlety for the teen). [/quote]

I think it's important to understand how this program is used.

I'm a parent.  With my own child, I absolutely emphasize "no secrets, only surprises", and I enforce that language with grandparents and caregivers because I'm mom and thus the boss!

But I'm also a teacher, and in my classroom, I need to walk a much more careful line between advocating for what's ideal and respecting people's right to develop a family culture that works for them.

The reality is that many well meaning non-pedophile families use the word "secret" in various ways.  They may tell their kids "Don't tell Grandma about the gift we bought her, it's a secret!"  or "Let's take a secret trip to the store to buy mom some flowers, for mother's day."  or "Let's put these legos in our secret hiding spot so the baby doesn't find them and choke on them."  If I sit down in the classroom and tell kids from families that use language like that that anyone who talks about a "secret" is immediately suspect, or that all "secrets" are bad, then I'm putting the kid in an impossible situation, where they're dealing with conflicting messages.  The most likely outcome is that the kid is going to simply decide that I make no sense and stop listening to me.  If I'm not the kid's familiar teacher, but I'm a Rape Crisis worker who they met today for the first time, it's even more likely that they'll ignore me if I confuse them.

So, while I agree that "No Secrets" is a great policy for a family to have, it's simply not a reasonable one to include in a Good Touch Bad Touch curriculum.  [/quote]

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