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[quote=Anonymous]Both sexes do this, so let's not turn this into a war of "who nags more"

The way you stop doing it...

1) know the difference between 'the way I like to do it' and the 'way it has to be done'. I like my plates with large plates on one side, small plates on the other. DH puts them in willy-nilly. Do they still get clean? Yep. So I say nothing and rearrange behind him. My stupid OCD, so I deal with it. Not his responsibiity.

2) is this just the 'way they are'? I have a habit of leaving kitchen cabinets open. Sometimes completely open, sometimes I try to close them, but only get them 1/2 closed. DH just accepts this about me. He'll jokingly teases me and I try to do better. But really, it's just another one of my quirks. So he goes behind me closing cabinets.

3) Understand that you need a ratio of 5 good to 1 bad interactions to have a good marriage. (Read John Gottman) So this helps in 2 ways-- it forces you to notice the good things they do and telling them (thank you for taking out the trash; you were good with the kids this afternoon) and makes you think about whether or not it's worth it to bring up something little that is 'bothering' you. 
If you knew that enough comments about loading the dishwasher wrong or buying the wrong kind of paper towels would lead to divorce, would you say it? Or can you say it in a kinder way? (He's not an idiot because he puts the plates in willy nilly. So I can ask him nicely, "I know this is totally my OCD. You don't have to do this, but if you think about it could you put the large plates here and the small plates there?" Then I notice when he does it the way I've asked him and thank him.)

Remind yourself, you aren't his mother or her father. You are a teammate and partner. Would you say this to a co-worker? Do you really think your spouse is an idiot? if you do, then way are you married to them? [/quote]

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