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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Leaving aside the fact that you are offended, what conflicts do you have? Can you spell them out kindly but directly to your mother in law via your husband, i.e. "I cannot take time off of work right now so I will be working from home from 10-5 on Tuesday - Thursday, and then little Ella has to be at soccer practice at 6."  Just state when you and the children will be available and when you will not. Assuming you have a guest room of some kind, does it disrupt all your plans just to have her sleeping over at the house? What plans, and how will they be disrupted? It sounds like you and your husband have very different families and I totally agree that she should have asked you first before booking travel, but it also sounds like you really just don't want her there ever, even if she asks in advance.[/quote]

I think this is the best approach.  If she books travel without asking you in advance, she takes what she gets--meaning, you do not rearrange your schedule in any way because of her visit.  Lay out your obligations and plans, make clear that they are non-negotiable, and then just do what you would normally do.  Cook the meals you would normally cook, go to the gym when you normally would, etc.  Where you can include her, by all means, do--you shouldn't be a dick just because--but if you can't pick her up at the airport because you have to work, you can't pick her up.  If you have errands to run, you can ask if she'd like to join you, but you are going to run the errands you need to run, regardless.  If you were thinking a trip to the zoo or a museum or whatever would be fun, invite her along, but go either way.  She doesn't disrupt your plans in any way.

If you get any pushback, just be polite but clear that it's because she did not check with you before booking her travel.  If she wants to make special plans for her trip, then she needs to talk to you guys ahead of time.

Also, when you hear about her travel plans via someone other than her, ignore it.  If your SIL mentions it, it is as if you never heard it.  You don't get in touch with her and tell her that you heard that she's coming and get the details.  If that means she shows up and you guys are out of town, or someone else is staying in your guest room, too bad.  [/quote]

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