Reply to "School comes first in our family"

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Reply to ""School comes first in our family" "

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[quote=Anonymous]There are two different issues going on here:

1. Should school "come first?"

2. Should your friend be making you feel judged?

I think you should try to keep these issues separate. I kind of agree with your friend on #1. And its cool if you don't, but I wouldn't try to convince yourself her believing that is a problem since its not, and what really is bothering you is #2.

Regarding #2, yes it sounds like her judging is inappropriate. I think the "we have different approaches" option is a decent one, as is saying something like "well, we just have been lucky in that we manage to prioritize both school and sports in our household" and then not engaging.

But one thing I'd add is that, assuming you want to remain friends with this person, you will need to recognize that you're now overly sensitived to her and might be calling some of her comments judgmental when they are not.

For example, "I don't know how you do it, school is so important to us and comes first" is right on the line. Someone COULD be saying it to judge you, but they could also be thinking aloud to a friend and not realizing how they come off.

On the other hand, "Wouldn't it be better if he focused more on school, etc." is pretty much overtly judgmental.

If you're able to discourage the second type of comment but not the first, I would call that a win and try not to still be bothered by the first.[/quote]

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