Reply to 13 year old son - is this normal?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - Thanks for all the responses - I do appreciate it.   The tricky part for us is that he is not a loner - he actually loves to socialize and is most happy when he is with friends.  [b]However, his friends are all in different social groups and he never wants to initiate things - he gets very anxious if we talk to him about having friends over etc[/b].  But if someone asks him to do something, he is thrilled.  But he gets fewer invitations now and I know he feels upset about it. I feel like the more he is on his own, the lower his self esteem, the harder it will get for him to socialize since social groups are forming and he is missing out.  I'm sure I will be told that I am nuts and should stay out of it - and maybe that's true - but it is very hard to watch your kid have few if any friends when he so wants to have them.  [/quote]

OP, I think this part (bolded) is what needs to be addressed.

Can you explain to him in a logical and concrete manner that friendships must be a two-way street? It sounds like he is insecure about some things in his home and his world and not confident enough in himself to think his friends will like him if they get too close. I would try to get him to talk about this. I think it only helps kids to understand from an early age that friendships and what he wants (being invited to things by other people, having close friends) requires real work on his part. He has an obligation to invest himself in relationships if he wants them to exist. No one can always be a taker; he has to give some of himself too. Try to find out why that is so hard for him.[/quote]

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