Reply to Losing patience with a difficult ex; disengage or keep trying?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here, thanks for these replies. Seems that the consensus is to stop reaching out to him, which is my thought as well. And that's heartbreaking for our DS.

To the poster who stated I'm asking a lot from him, am I? I've never sought child support, asked him to do any overnights, or created drama. I understand your point; he didn't ask to be a father. But I didn't ask to be a mom in the way that this happened, and DS is a blessing. Truly. And in life, when two adults decide to sleep together, babies are a possibility. Our responsibility in DS's birth is completely shared, which is why I believe we share responsibility for DS's emotional health. I am happy to take on everything else. But the kid needs his Dad. It pains me that my ex can't even do that, for a healthy child, with no special needs, who's a joy to be around (that is not a statement denigrating special needs children; I mention it only because those parents have huge extra responsibilities).

It just couldn't be easier. Except to him (ex), it's not. Now that DS is 3, I'm considering starting dating again, I'd really like this boy to have a good man in his life. I'd like that for myself as well. I guess we'll see.

[/quote]
OP, you cannot force someone to behave like a father any more than you can legislate or force moral behavior. I think your ex showed you very convincingly that he has no interest in being a father.  You can accept that and move on with that knowledge, or you can continue generating frustration and stress for yourself with beating your head against a brick wall.

Also note that when your child gets older, it will be easier to live with the absence of a father than with an unreliable father.  It's a lot easier to deal with "who was my daddy?" question that's one and done, than with biweekly "how come daddy didn't call/didn't come/didn't visit?"  Stop buying heartache for yourself and your child.  Move along.  You have the funds to raise him and you sound like a well balanced person.  Your DS is a blessing to you but your ex does not see it that way.  Accept it. [/quote]

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