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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I could've written this. Mostly I just lend them a sympathetic ear and recommend counseling (when applicable). If they say he is a jerk who will never change I don't disagree with them. I don't actively encourage them to leave but if they mention it I don't discourage it or act shocked by it. Sometimes they just need to know that their DH's behavior is NOT normal and not just how everyone's husband acts so they can realize that they can/should have better. [/quote]

+1[/quote]

This is exactly it (op here).  I think she DOES know that it isn't normal, but doesn't know what to do, and I don't blame her - I wouldn't either.  [/quote]
I'm the quoted PP- it's such a tough spot to be in. Especially with all of the judgment she could face from some people for leaving; the voices that tell people to stay unless there is abuse or addiction can be hard to escape. But just by being a friend who isn't heaping that judgment on her, who realizes there can be more to life than the awful marriage she has is helpful. I agree that she is also embarrassed, so never bring it up unless she does and continue to treat her husband respectfully. I just emphasize to my friends that I'll support them whatever they decide to do, and that also gets the idea across that they do in fact have choices, albeit tough ones.

The wrinkle here is the IM conversations- I'd be careful about what I put in writing for fear of the husband coming across it and making things more difficult for her.[/quote]

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