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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, sounds like your mom needs nursing home care.  If she goes to the hospital this week, talk to the social worker.  Following a qualifying hospital stay, Medicare will pick up the cost of nursing home care for a period of time (at most 100 days, but actual time depends on progress and condition).

As far as divorce, let's face it, if she is becoming demented, she may not have the mental capacity.  Also, there are financial consequences of that for your mom.  Be sure to talk to an elder care attorney before going this route.

Lots of people have difficulty seeing their loved one decline.  Sometimes they are in denial.  Sometimes they get depressed.  Sometimes they are incapable of acting regardless of what they say.  Also, it's difficult for elderly people, like your step father, to leave what and whom they know for a cross country move, so the longer term plan must include consideration of him as well and seeking long term care back home may be the best alternative.[/quote]

Since she has been in rehab, she is already 40 days into her 100 days. :(  If she stays here she'll have to go into a nursing home and is VERY opposed. She thinks she can just get an apartment in a senior living community.  There is no way she could do that if he isn't here to watch over her.  I can hire a cleaning service every couple weeks and get food help for them (or feed them myself) but I work full time, DH works in another state and only comes home every other weekend and our kids are still grade schoolers.

The main reason I was trying to get her home is to shock him into realizing that she needs full time care.  The rest of us (me, DH, my sister and her family) already are fully aware of this.

My sister just wants me to hire a lawyer and "take control" but in reality, I don't want to do all this alone either, and I think he owes it to her to help care for her in this stage of her life, while he still can.  I don't want to ruin my relationship with him, either.  In a few more years, he will need help too and I want to still be his daughter and be ther for him when that time comes, even if she isn't still alive.

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