Reply to Family Bed - How Old is Too Old?

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[quote=Anonymous]Back to OPs question --

We co-slept and transitioned DD into her own bed around age 3.5 - 4.   She is now almost 6, but she is still allowed to sleep with us whenever she is sick, when one of us (parents) travel out of town, and also she gets to choose 1 night per week to sleep in our bed with us all night (currently she has chosen Tuesdays).  We also let her start off the night in our bed once per week (currently she has chosen Weds) and then we pick her up and put her in her own bed before we go to sleep.  This is a nice compromise for us, as we wish for her (and us) to be able to continue to enjoy co-sleeping, but we (mom and dad) also wish to have some more space in the bed, intimacy, and generally wish for her to be able to sleep in her own room at this age.

I don't think there's a clear cut age where it is not normal, as "normal" is hard to define, particularly when there is no harm being done to anyone (although some may disagree and say a 9 yr old is being harmed by this).  Ultimately, this is a personal choice for you, the parent.  I think it would be fine to ask the 9 year old to start sleeping in his own bed, and do the transition just like you would for a younger child (perhaps place a mattress on the floor in your bedroom at first for the child to sleep on, then move it to his room, or stay with him in his room for a while, etc.).  Not sure how comfortable your 9 yr old is with this idea, but if the 9 yr old does it, I'd guess the 4 year old will want to copy the older sibling?  You could also offer some rewards for transitioning, if you want, like stickers or some sort of privileges for the older child.

I do think 9 is a bit old to be with you in your bed, but this probably comes from my western cultural bias.  My personal opinion is that I think now is a good time to start a gentle transition.

Good luck in whatever you decide![/quote]

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