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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I own the book also. It's devestating to realize you will never have the mother you want: caring, loving, kind, and concerned with your well-being. For too long, as with any abusive dynamic, [b]I truly felt as though I was fatally flawed[/b], and if only I were thinner/prettier/more successful/more interesting my mother would finally love me the way I'd always wanted and needed to be loved. Of course, no day like this came. If I was down on my luck, my mother would se to take some sort of perverse pleasure in that and/ or pile on. If I was riding high, my mother would make subtle commments to disparage me and my situation, or somehow compare herself (favorably) to me.

It took a long time to reaalize this unhealthy dynamic - she's my mom, and this is how I was raised, so [b]for me it was normal to be constantly criticized, belittled, demeaned, or otherwise ignored. Having a daughter of my own is what it took for me to see how truly deranged she was and is.[/b]

[b]I no longer have any sort of contact or relationship with her.[/b]

I'm sorry, OP. Good luck on your journey.[/quote]

+1 this is my situation too. OP, my siblings just have a relationship with me and don't initiate conversation about our mom. They continue to have a relationship with her, but I think they are better at setting up boundaries. I'm terrible at it. The problem I have is that I have little support from my in-laws. They think she is wonderful and can't understand how it could come to this. It feels so patronizing and undermining when I hear their disbelief. [/quote]

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