Reply to Husband says negative things about me to our 5 year old when we argue

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You do realize that this was a stupid argument though, which is a good thing, right? Nobody should be going to a hotel or involving kids over laundry loads. I get being annoyed but I'm curious what the root of your arguments are about. Because it sounds like you have a totally salvageable marriage.[/quote]

OP here, and I cannot begin to express to all of you how grateful I am that you posted to me.  To this particular post and others, you are absolutely correct that laundry per se is not all there is.  Yes, there are at least two levels of control at work here.  If you asked him what was really going on, he would say that I broke the rule of no cursing even when angry, that by know I should be therapized into knowing better and be able to handle myself in an argument without the f-bomb, and thus, the consequence (of his not sleeping at home, in this case the following evening since it was already nighttime when it happened).  [/quote]

1. He is talking to you like a 5 year old. That is disrespectful, more disrespectful than cursing.
2. If your rule is "no cursing even when angry", then you need to apologize for breaking that rule.
3. Your breaking the swearing rule does not give him blanket license to break other rules. Trash talking you to your child is not appropriate. I think you need to make a new rule in therapy that no one gets to threaten to leave the house, with or without the child, unless there is an actual safety issue. 
4. The "consequence" is not appropriate to the "crime." The more appropriate response to you swearing about laundry would be to say, "I will not engage with you when you speak disrespectfully to me. I will be in the other room/taking a walk around the block and am happy to talk to you about this when we have both calmed down." Threatening to leave the house a day after you said a swear word is completely overreacting.[/quote]

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