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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is a great question.  My MIL and FIL are generally pretty good people, although some serous co-dependent issues that I won't dig into here have left it difficult to have a relationship with them.

The FIL is old-school, borderline narcissist, chauvinistic 60s "man about town" and, when the sh-- that comes out of his mouth comes, I tend to laugh it off.  I mean, it's hilarious some of this stuff you guys.  "Women should or shouldn't"  "did you see the tatas on her?!"  Like I said, he's a nice enough guy, loved by my DH, a product of his environment, did his best, but some of his attitudes - wow.  And, I laugh it off.  In a way I doubt I would with ANY other man.  Why do I do that?  Why do I just shrug and let it go?  I mean, if my own father said that crap it's be a vicious argument, but this guy is just sort of likable in his idiocy or some other dynamic is going on?

DH is 95% great guy, involved father, but don't think I can't trace some of that 5% back to this guy, yet -- I've let it all go for some reason.  Hmm.[/quote]

You let it go for the same reasons everyone else pretends not to hear racist talk, witness abuse, etc. Once you acknowledge it, you have to deal with it.  You can't continue to sweep it under the rug and live with yourself. So you pretend it's funny or you don't notice or its not a big deal, because you're not prepared for the monster explosion that will come otherwise.[/quote]

This is the line though, that I'm always stuck on the other side of.  We live 1200 miles from these people, they show no particular interest in being a part of my children's lives (fine by me) and to pen the can of worms feels like it would be incredibly unrewarding.  Is it a fair decisions for me to make to just shrug the shit off for one week a year?  Do I owe myself/DH/kids/ he'll even the ILs more?  I flash forward 10 years and he's dead and MIL is hoarding cats and I feel like I did nothing to stop the train, but at the same time, is this my job?  My duty? [/quote]

You know what, PP here, I'm going to start my own thread. Thanks. [/quote]

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