Reply to Women - how do you deal with a female supervisor who is jealous of/intimidated by you?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. To respond to 13:19, in the beginning I would initially try to run things by her 1:1. Over time I realized that she never wants to talk to me about work stuff. She has plenty of time to talk about her personal life to everyone but she is always putting off or shooting down important work related things that need to be discussed, especially when brought up by me.

Before when I would try to talk to her 1:1, she would either 1) stop me mid-sentence to push me off on to someone else (that person would later tell me that they can't make a decision or do anything for me without her approval, so it was really a pointless exercise), or 2) she rejects whatever I am saying right there, or 3) says she is too busy to even think about it, most of the time without even knowing why I am trying to talk to her. Also I was not bringing stuff up to her 1:1 that often that it could be disruptive, just on an occasional basis.

I honestly feel like she doesn't want to hear anything I have to say. I feel like she'd be happy if I never spoke to her about work (and I'm not a loudmouth by any means) and if all info from me was funneled to her by other people.[/quote]

13:19 here.  It sounds like you brought things up verbally.  It is sometimes better to make suggestions or bring up issues/ideas via email.  Keep it direct and to the point.  It gives the supervisor an opportunity to read at his/her convenience, consider what is being suggestion, and respond at his/her convenience.

If I were you, I would try that.

The way you describe her, it sounds like you actually have some issues with her.  And I wouldn't be shocked if this is apparent to her.  I could be wrong about that.

It also sounds like maybe your entire work environment is problematic.  Your supervisor is discussing a lot of personal stuff with other coworkers.  Your coworkers are discussing your supervisor with you.  I don't know.  It sounds catty and unprofessional.  I'm not saying it's you (it's difficult to know if you are reflecting what's around you or if you are participating in it).  But I probably would try to get out of that environment.

If that's not an option, you need to completely re-invent yourself and how you deal with your coworkers and boss.  Maybe lay low for a while.  Just do your work.  If you need to communicate information to this woman, do it via email.   And be strategic about what you say in meetings.  You don't have to constantly give input.  Maybe you need to hold back for a little while until you can re-establish a professional relationship with the supervisor.  Be polite and cordial.  Keep communication targeted and succinct.

And most importantly, you need to drop this attitude that your supervisor is jealous of you.  It's possible she doesn't like you.  But it sounds like you have a chip on your shoulder.  And if that in any way shows through in the workplace, then that's part of the problem.

If you have something you need to discuss verbally with her, then try to schedule a meeting with just her.  Start off with, "I know you've got a full schedule, but is there any way we could schedule 15 minutes to go over some things."  Give the impression that you recognize her time is valuable/limited.

Give it a few months.   But if you want to stay in that job, you need to reshape your relationship with her.  And you aren't going to do that if you approach her as a jealous divorcee.  It's unclear who is telling you she is jealous of you.  I mean, you came back and said you weren't discussing it with your coworkers.  But it sounded like you were back-pedaling.  Not to mention, if the people telling you she's jealous aren't people who actually have observed how she is around you, then they really have no basis for that claim.  Regardless, you need to stop getting professional advice from the ones saying she's just jealous/intimidated.  A) It's not really an assumption you can make because there could be any number of reasons she treats you the way she does (like that she isn't jealous at all but sees you as a schemer who is angling to undermine her) and (B) It's not a useless assumption -- speculating about whether or not she is jealous of you really doesn't help you figure out a solution.

You also haven't given a few key details.  How long has this woman been your supervisor?  Has she always treated you like this?  Have there been any performance evaluations?  Has she ever done anything to actually impact you negatively, or is your beef with her just that she seems dismissive of your ideas?  How long have you been in that job?  If you are new there and are coming in with a ton of suggestions, people might not take you seriously because you haven't been there long enough to both fully understand the ins and outs and to have built up the reputation to give your suggestions/ideas weight.[/quote]

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