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[quote=Anonymous]'i never felt I had a beast in me until I had a SN kid."

THIS THIS THIS!

Oh, OP, btdt. My girl is a runner and is fast and incredibly athletic. I have broken ribs, toes and an elbow trying to catch her before she dies in traffic. Once she ran towards a pit bull who was trying to jump the fence to get to her. I literally tackled her to get her off the fence before the dog got to her. Horrifying. One time, after all my body parts had finally healed, and I had been home alone with her for two days, she got away from me on the way to the playground. When I caught her I lost it. I mean, I lost it. I grabbed her and yelled in her face, "I'm so fucking sick of this shit. Why can't you just listen for once." We both started crying and then I practically dragged her home. It was the most horrifying experience of my life, mostly because it felt so good to get the anger out.

I started meditation to deal with anger I never had experienced before (therapist suggested it). The best thing it does is to help me take "me" out of the situation. I visualize myself kind of hovering over the scene. I'm not sure why, but it gives me a certain degree of separation that diffuses the situation for me. I see my daughter as a kid trying hard and I'm filled with compassion for her.

Just wanted to send you my thoughts, OP. It's hard. Tomorrow is a new day.
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