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[quote=Anonymous]

OP - It seems clear to me that she is furious at you because you simply married her son and took away her "direct control" over him.  I think you should do for yourself what you consider important.  If DH's family lives out of the area, then he and the children can go visit at times and simply call it "Mom's special time."  However, certainly by middle school you will need to have an explanation and maybe sooner for any child who is the least bit perceptive on the change in relationship.

There do need to be some clear ground rules for DH to share with both his parents at the same time (1) There is never ever to be any yelling in your own home or criticism of you ever again, and especially if children are at home. (2) If he is visiting them and there is any negative talk about you, then he will simply cut the visit short and leave and such visits might end.   If there are patterns in place that your young children might miss from having happen such a grandparents visit at a certain time, this "might" after a certain period be a "test case" of whether new rules could be agreed to an follow by MIl and FIL.

How does you husband get along with your family?  It just occurred to me that this may be the real crux of the problem that he prefers them to his own.  This is an issue that he might address face-to-face with both of them and let them clearly know that while he loves his own parents, he is not routinely taken to the wood shed by his FIL and MIL.  If his parents are in same general area, then handling certain things like his birthday and their birthdays could be done at their home without you having to go.  Give mIL a tast of preparing special festivities and she may also come around.  Otherwise major holidays do not need to include them at your home until behaviors change.

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