Reply to Would you feel the same way? MIL inviting herself over

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think you lack appreciation for a very thoughtful MIL. You can choose to have a great relationship with her or you can have your self contained nuclear family. I spent years begging my MIL to see my child. I always let it be on her terms and as a result my child hardly spent any time with her. In a way I see this as the reverse you are trying to make contact be on your terms. Love and family should be more organic. More relaxed. Can you not imagine yourself 25 years from now? Imagine loving your son for all those years and now your just not welcome without an appointment. I know you want your own life but really you can't spare a little love for your husband's mother or your child's grandmother?[/quote]

Oh, come on.  I'm not the OP, but I fail to see how her MIL is "very thoughtful."  It's totally within people's rights to have their own lives and make boundaries.

I personally wouldn't react very strongly to what you described, OP, but I can see how it might be frustrating if you have different expectations.  Your MIL was acting naturally, but it also sounds like she had a larger plan in mind before she came over.  You didn't know about it, which was your DH's fault -- not hers -- but she should have been clearer if she wanted to go to the park and stay for dinner, not just pick something up.  That's what would bother me most.

I would never drop in on my child or another family member after they became an adult.  Are parents just stopping by college dorms all the time whenever they feel like it?  If they do, they get an earful from their children.  I don't think adult children need to deal with parents coming over whenever they want.  If they really love you and care about you, they should show you some respect.  My parents and in-laws don't live nearby, but if they did, they sure as heck would call first before they came to my house.[/quote]

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