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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Unfortunately, DH has explicitly told me I'm not allowed to mention it. And if I say I won't see them, I'm being "overly sensitive".[/quote]

[b]If your husband tells you what you're not allowed to do, you have a way, way bigger problem than the remarks your in-laws make.[/b] Unless you're into the whole wifely submission thing, which is another kettle of fish and I don't wish to offend your religious ideals discussing that.[/quote]

Bingo. We have a winner with this post.

OP, in what other ways does your husband (a) tell you what you must do or not do, and (b) avoid confrontation, and (c) act like mama's boy? Is this really the only situation in which your husband is either "the boss of you" or a don't-rock-the-boat son who puts mommy ahead of wife and kids? I'd really sit down and think about whether this is part of a larger, longer pattern on his part.

He IS putting his parents ahead of his wife and kids by not telling his parents to respect you and how you are raising their grandchildren. He is allowing his wife (and his kids, who if they don't notice it now will notice it very soon) to be picked, picked, picked at by his parents in a very insidious way. Over time, the constant drip of judgment from his parents is going to make your kids question whether they're right; whether mom is wrong and bad; and -- when they're much older and understand things better -- why dad was such a wimp when it came to whatever grandma and grandpa said. If the kids start to think the grandparents are right and see that dad says and does nothing to defend how they, the kids, are being raised, that really undermines the kids' respect for you, mom.

Don't let him model this kind of control and/or wimpiness.  I'd sit him down (when the kids are not around, and when he cannot say "I have to leave in five minutes, say your piece so I can go") and tell him: "This really eats at me and makes me feel belittled and judged. And when you dismiss my feelings about it as just being oversensitive, that adds to my feelings of being judged and belittled. This matters to me, and if it continues I will know it does not matter to you that I feel this way. I believe this is your issue to address with your parents, and I want you to have my back here, unless you actually believe the kids and I ARE going to hell and you have never told me so. If you have some issues with what we are doing with religious upbringing, you need to discuss it with me. But if you agree with the way we're raising our kids religiously, then I ask you to have my back and speak to your parents about it by the end of this week, but if you refuse to address it, then I will have to do it myself. I will talk to them on (date) if you haven't by then." If he repeats that you are somehow not allowed to bring it up, it's time to insist on marriage counseling, because anyone who tells a spouse what they can and cannot say has control issues.
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