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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What do you think.  Breach of trust? Or perhaps more importantly, is it time to go?  I would like to give it one last shot in couples therapy, but my spouse said this issue is not open for discussion with the therapist. Period.

Sorry in advance for typos and length. I just feel numb by this exchange. Just happened tonight. Any and all thoughts welcomed.[/quote]

Whoa, lady...where to start...

First, no, it's not a breach of trust, or rather: it is a violation but ordinarily wouldn't matter since therapy sessions are generally completely confidential (I don't believe marijuana use is a mandatory reporter situation), and ordinarily your individual therapist would not have a meeting with your husband "in preparation for couples therapy".  Your therapist might meet with him, with your permission, to discuss your therapy and your condition.  I think your therapist is way out on the ethical edge here - so if there's a breach, it's there.  Yes, many many many people find a spouse, sibling, child, parent going to therapy deeply threatening because they know the client is "talking about them".  The issue here is your therapist talking to him about it and inserting themselves into this.  Really sketchy.  Of course, some therapists take sides.

You sound like you have major issues; it's possible your husband is toking up like a fiend because he's self-medicating.  Every hardcore pot smoker ("addict") I've ever seen is self-medicating (just like you taking lexapro) - it's entirely possible that trying to live with you is driving him to this - remove you from his life, maybe he comes back down.  The inverse is also possible.  Both things are possible (likely).

I'd say, regardless of the blame game, that the two of you are in an awful, toxic dance.  I'd say it's time to split up.  I also say Pot is way preferable to Lexapro.  [/quote]

Hmmm.  Well, I trust my therapist. The session was not just to discuss my therapy and progress - we already did a session like that.  I don't sense that she is taking sides per se. But I see how it could be viewed that way. It was a risky move to mention it without me there.  And he isn't the patient - I am. That said, she and I asked if he would be willing to work in couples therapy -- he said yes.  So I don't know once you say that you are good with doing couples work what the ethical edge is here that you are talking about. But yes, this approach had/has the potential to have backfired.  That said, I've tried everything else so this is my last effort.

It's not that I'm not ready to talk to him about this issue - we have talked about this issue.  At length.  But my needs/concerns are dismissed as "paranoid", "Gestapo" and out of line because I knew he was a heavy smoker before we got married.  And I've always caved because it has been presented as a non-starter -- he will not change.

BTW, he was smoking at these levels before we married (though the obsession around it has increased since then in that it is simply all he talks about these days - growing acceptance of pot as a recreational drug only adds fuel to that fire).  So I don't think I'm the reason for the self-medication -- though, admittedly, I'm no angel and certainly have not always been easy to be married to.

Anyway, for me Lexapro is preferable to pot because I don't have any bad side effects, it is temporary, and it is legal.

But thanks for your point of view.[/quote]

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