Reply to What about this as a breach of trust?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Whoa, whoa, whoa - I'd back this train up a bit. You had a breakdown for which you admitted yourself and went on meds in the last 6 months, and you're worried about husband's pot smoking? I'm not saying it isn't an issue (I don't know) but all this talk of splitting up is premature, no? You're concerned about the kids, with him, but not really in a place of long-term stability to raise them alone yourself, in the event of a separation, either. As for husband's inappropriate response (and I agree, it was inappropriate) - think of where he is coming from. Therapist knows that they have one parent who has had a mental health crisis recently. And now you've told therapist that the other parent uses illegal drugs? Yeah, I can see where he'd freak out re: potential CPS issues and I'm not even a pot smoker. That said, if I was, I'd quit immediately, knowing what you had told the therapist in case there was potential for some sort of intervention by the authorities.

Unless you or your kids are at imminent risk of harm (which it doesn't sound like you are) I'd let everything cool way, way down, and bring this up again several months from now, when you're much farther out from your breakdown. [/quote]

OP here - agree, any decision about separation or divorce would occur way down the line. I think I need to commit to at least another year of personal stability and recovery before divorce or separation would really be on the table.  I'm not ready to do that yet.  The challenge for me will be to live in the moment, and take each day as it comes.  I'm not concerned at all about CPS - but given what I've shared on this Board I can see why you might say that.  You don't have the full picture.  My therapist does and I have total trust in her that if she had concerns that rose to the level of her deciding to get CPS getting involved, she would tell me that as part of my recovery program.  She is damn good - probably one of the best in the area - and damn expensive.  And worth every last penny.  But I think your words are wise - the decision now probably isn't to separate, it's probably more about what decisions I'm ready to make versus which I am not.  I'm just very concerned and sad that he took that issue off the table for discussion.  Because this is absolutely an issue in our marriage, our family, and if I'm completely honest with myself was a factor that played into my nervous breakdown.  Which probably isn't really the right word for it - diagnosis is just major depression and anxiety.  I just let it get too far with some intense external pressures and was in a place where I didn't know what else do to.  I was only in the hospital for 3 days - doctors realized quickly that it wasn't where I needed to be and got me to a more appropriate outpatient program and long-term therapy.

Maybe you are right that I shouldn't even raise the issue again for some months - though I'm not sure how I'm going to get comfortable with the level of use if it continues as-is during that timeframe.  But then again, it has been this way for some years now, so what's another few months really in the long term.  I have also considered raising the idea of speaking with him about it with our priest - though I think that will get a similar response.[/quote]

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