Reply to I feel guilty when DH is rude to his mom

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You may see this as a rude reaction.  On the other hand, he may have seen his mother emailing a picture of a vacation home as a passive aggressive controlling guilt tripping "code" experience from her that triggered a massive wave of anger and panic.

I find this a lot in my relationship with my mother and especially here on DCUM.  Those who have not grown up with controlling parents will look at a situation -- grandma prepares a nursery in her home for the new baby -- and respond "How sweet OP, can't you just thank her?" and OP is panicking and angry.  Those of us who grew up with controlling/borderline/passive aggressive parents know what these experiences are like and the feelings they trigger.

It's not your place to feel guilty when your husband is rude to his mom, or even to perceive this situation as your husband being in the wrong.  You need to look at this "scene" as part of a lifelong drama.  Step back, OP.[/quote]

+100 He and his mom have a history which has nothing to do with you. She sneakily booked the rental and he passive aggressively tried to make her feel bad for booking it, maybe because of you not wanting to go.  This makes you out to be the bad guy which makes you feel guilty.  Don't mistake this as your problem.  Neither one of them can communicate openly and honestly with each other apparently.  Go if it would make you feel better, but it doesn't sound like he particularly wants to go either.  It's up to him to see his mother or not. That's her tough luck if she presumed you guys would go not taking into account your situation.  Sometimes it's better to communicate directly with the MIL because letting your DH do the communicating seemed to backfire onto you.[/quote]

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