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[quote=Anonymous]Before I married my husband I would also think it's just what you do, and kids deserve to know family. My family is very tight knit and I couldn't imagine why one WOULDN'T feel obligated to family. But my ILs are different.

I've given up feeling insulted that they don't visit. I put in so much freakin' effort when we visit our (shared) home region. I make sure we aren't too unbalanced between dinners and where we sleep. I make sure we never see my family without seeing theirs, even thought this usually means eliminating time with friends. But I'm done bending over backwards. We ask them to visit. We name 3 out of 4 weekends during a given month and they insist on the 4th, and complain when we say we are booked. They complain about the cost of the car ride to visit. They complain that we are unable to host their dog, for several reasons.  They tell us the need downtime on weekends (they are semi retired and aren't very busy people). If they don't put in effort, why should we?

Family goes both ways. I'm guessing you come from a family where you just do what you're "supposed" to do because it's what everyone does for each other. It's hard to get used to a family who doesn't value putting in the effort, but at some point you just have to accept it.[/quote]

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