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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For us, DH has been somewhat emotionally abusive and the counselor is not afraid to call him out on it, which was a relief for me and makes me feel less crazy.  I waver between thinking things are fixable and thinking that this is my last step in this marriage and that it is likely we are going to separate, but I'm glad we're doing it anyway.[/quote]

I'm the "hijacker". I came back to see what else was posted.  I'm sorry I POed the OP.

Re-reading the OP, I remembered that before I went off on my original rant, I had meant to respond to this PP.  I had meant in my response to be supportive (feeling less crazy) and say:

1) It's actually really great the T called your husband out on his behavior, and I hope that did give you some validation that it's not all in your head and you might be dealing with someone who is manipulating you.

2) My point in my story about my ex was that some things aren't worth fixing and there's no point in putting yourself through therapy.  For therapy to work, both people have to honestly want to make changes and to be engaged in the process.

Despite people thinking I was sandbagging my ex, I was the one who asked for us to go and was not so much trying to get someone else to tell her what was wrong, but to try to nail down a lot of very slippery issues - to get to the heart of them and resolve them.  It might have actually worked with me doing exactly what I did if the issues weren't so confused and contradictory...I actually wanted the therapist to help me (and her) untangle them and get to the heart of them. I'd spent three years jumping through hoops and trying all sorts of things - turning myself inside and out - to try to fix things and make her happy.

My original point to the OP was that she should be circumspect and take care of herself - not get sucked into months and thousands of dollars of therapy like a PP for no good reason.  Clearly my original response went off on a tangent and didn't express this part clearly.  The add-on about casual accusations of abuse made this even worse.  My apologies.[/quote]

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