Reply to s/o the s/o thread... On the "outsourcing" of sex

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There are lots of things that are important to me, that my spouse doesnt do. As a SAHM, I would love if my husband would play with the kids more, make more money, do more chores- but part of being in a marriage is you dont get to just pick an ultimatum and say arbitrarily, "You MUST do this or I dont feel loved and our marriage is over!"  [/quote]

Sex is not like those other things. And you can make your own damn money.[/quote]

Plenty of men and women do all the extra little stuff and are still in sexless marriages.  There's always an excuse, always something that's a priority.

To the PPs who said that an affair is wrong because it isn't discussed- if you're not interested in having sex with your spouse, would you AGREE to let him/her have sex outside your marriage if he/she asked permission?  [/quote]

I'm the PP who initially said that it is different if it's an arrangement both spouses agreed to.

In my first marriage (where I was the low desire spouse and he was the high desire - though by DCUM standards, our sex life was pretty good at once a week), if my husband had suggested that the solution to our problem was opening up the marriage so that he could have sex as often as he wanted to, I would actually probably have been fine with it. We would have agreed to some ground rules, but I don't think that I would have felt jealous or betrayed if he straight up asked me to open the marriage. If he had decided to go behind my back and have sex with someone else "because I was withholding", I would have felt hugely betrayed. That wouldn't have fixed our problem, though, because my ex, much like the PP, he didn't just want to have sex. He wanted to have sex with ME. And he wanted me to want to have sex with him, not just to have "duty sex" at whatever frequency he wanted. He wanted passion, and the lack of passion was definitely something that contributed to our divorce.[/quote]

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