Reply to s/o the s/o thread... On the "outsourcing" of sex

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you are unwilling to provide your partner sex, why is it such a problem for them to outsource (so to speak) to another person? Many things in many households, which are considered important are outsourced in order to keep the peace/ ease responsibility: food prep, child care, cleaning, etc. but it's absolutely verboten to consider sex a need that needs to be filled.

Why, if sex is not that important TO YOU (but to your partner), is it such a taboo that they meet that need elsewhere? If you agree that it's something sacred in a relationship, why do you deny it to your partner?[/quote]

I'm a DH and am in favor of outsourcing - at least in theory.

I think there are two reasons letting your partner do this is different for sex than, say, a shared interest in riding motorcycles or seeing musicals.  I like to ride motorcycles, often for several day long trips, for thousands of miles, camping along with way; DW does not.  DW likes to go to New York and see musicals on broadway; I do not (at least not musicals).  We both outsource this - I go with friends and she goes with friends.  However, going to musicals or riding motorcycles doesn't lead to:

1) romantic feelings.

2) offspring.

Those, in a nutshell, are the reason outsourcing sex is different.  If I suddenly suffered from real, untreatable ED, I'd let my wife have a pass (if she wanted one - unlikely - she might be sort of relieved it wasn't being required anymore).  It would make me very nervous and insecure, at least for a while, fearful she'd fall for the other guy and leave me.  This is, not surprisingly, the subject of great literature: [u]Lady Chatterly's Lover[/u].  I also would want an agreement/understanding that we'd terminate any accidental pregnancy.  I believe the threat of offspring or romantic attachment is equally threatening to men and women.  [/quote]

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