Reply to What to Say After Tonight's Defeat that Concludes a Bad Season (5th Gr Boy Rec Basketball)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think the "I love to watch you play." is good. Otherwise, OP, don't say anything. Or if you must say something, say "I'm sorry you are feeling so disappointed." or something.

Really, that's all it's about. If he continues to go on about it, I'd tell him off. I'd tell him to stop wallowing and get over it. He played how he played. Don't let him blame others. Put it in perspective if you must. Christ, it's just a game. [b]Tell him to be glad that's his biggest problem, and that if he's going to make such a fuss about losing maybe he's not cut out to play sports. [/b][/quote]

Wow, that is awful. People's feelings don't change just because you told them to feel differently.

Your first paragraph was spot-on. Your second one . . . look, I get how that would be happening in your head, but you need to keep it there. If you can't take any more, "I know you're feeling down, but you have three more minutes of venting and then you need to talk about something else, or nothing, because I don't think it's helping you."[/quote]

I don't underestimate the degree of my boys' feelings--but try to put it in perspective for them.

Being competitive and wanting to win is not an evil, bad thing--it will get them far in life if they have an internal drive.

I get told all if the time how tenacious my one so. Is in sports game. He seems to turn it in even more when the team is down.  This is not a characteristic I will beat out of him.  He's so calm and quiet and mellow- so it's pretty funny to see this other side.

We tell him that we love watching him play. We are proud that he never gives up until the whistle blows--especially when his team is behind.

You are always a good sport-hikd your head high and congratulate the other team. You win some, you lose some--but doing both with dignity, respect and good sportsmanship is how you do it.

Nothing makes me prouder than when my son will go up to an opposing player afterwards and compliment him.  He has had kids in other teams do this to him when he's walking to the car as well.  That takes character to be able to compliment somebody else without feeling like it diminishes your own abilities.  I know so man adults that never learned that lesson.[/quote]

NP- that bolded sentence came across as a little harsh but I agree with what you're saying.  It is just a game.  Of course winning is more fun than losing and I don't believe in Participation Ribbons for all (at least after kindergarten).  But if your kid can't enjoy playing basketball if they lose the game- they need to stop playing basketball.  My son is now a junior, daughter a freshman.  Trust me when I say that nobody will remember how many games they won in 5th grade.  Of course there are great memories- my son's first over-the-fence home run and daughter taking 1st at state in gymnastics are two that come to mind for me.  But they enjoy sports even when they lose.

Like the PP said- we all know competitive jerks who are insufferable to be around.  Do you really want your kid to be Peaked in High School Rob Lowe?

This is an analogy I used when I coached:  I love to fish.  There's nothing better than those days when I catch fish all day long, especially when the fish are big too.  But there are plenty of days I get skunked and you know what?  Those days are fun too.  The day that I have to catch fish in order to have fun fishing is the day that I will QUIT fishing.  That's not what it should be about and neither should basketball, baseball, football, or life.  [/quote]

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