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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband sometimes speaks to our 14 year old son in a very demeaning, unkind, harsh, inappropriate way. Tonight, in private, I started to say something about it and my husband said, "oh, another lecture?" I am really furious. I don't know why he says these mean, harsh things to our son and I'm worried he is damaging his self esteem and making him feel like crap. Our son is a gentle, sweet, extremely well behaved people pleaser. We couldn't ask for a better son. The other morning there was a plate of bacon on the table and my son took 3 pieces. My husband said something like, my you're greedy and selfish and not thinking about the rest of us. My feelings would be hurt if someone said that to me. I mentioned something to my DH and he agreed that it was harsh. Tonight I didn't hear the whole conversation but I heard my husband say "stand UP" in a really angry tone. Then something like "when I tell you to do something, you do it." It's just wrong and unconscionable to talk to our son with so little awareness of how it makes him feel (bad, I'm sure). My DH must stop this and think about talking to our son the way he (DH) would like to be talked to. Now my DH is so defensive about it and I'm so mad. He just sees it as me criticizing his parenting. Any ideas about how to get him to stop?[/quote]

Man here.

Your husband is trying to TURN YOUR SON INTO A MAN.

This means sometimes he HAS to talk to him in a way he would never talk to you, or to a daughter if he had one. You have to be tough on boys, and it may sound harsh to others, especially female observers.

If your husband is all harshness, that is a problem, but you say it is only sometimes, so it's not a problem.

The best thing you can do is butt out and let him do what he thinks is best. The worst thing you can do is try to take over the fatherhood job yourself. Absolute worst thing would be (as some moron posters suggest) to leave your husband and deny your son a father. If you do, the result will be a disaster and both your husband and son will hate you for it.

All this stuff I see from the other posters about his feelings and self-esteem... fuck that shit. That's for raising daughters, not sons you want to turn into men. If you want him to be a big giant whining pussy, sure, focus on his feeewings and self-esteem.[/quote]

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