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[quote=Anonymous][quote] Tonight I didn't hear the whole conversation but I heard my husband say "stand UP" in a really angry tone. Then something like "when I tell you to do something, you do it." It's just wrong and unconscionable to talk to our son with so little awareness of how it makes him feel (bad, I'm sure). My DH must stop this and think about talking to our son the way he (DH) would like to be talked to. Now my DH is so defensive about it and I'm so mad. He just sees it as me criticizing his parenting. Any ideas about how to get him to stop?[/quote]

OP - you didn't hear the entire conversation.  Did you ask your DH what happened before you mentioned the way he talks to your DS?

Sometimes, both DH and I speak harshly to our 9 yr old DS, probably DH doing this more often than I.  I have tried to tone it down and have it mentioned to my DH as well.  However, sometimes, depending on the situation, speaking harshly to your child is not all wrong.  For example, if I tell my DS to stand up so that I can do something (and I need him to stand to do it), and DS doesn't, then after the 2nd time of repeating myself I would probably say it a bit harshly.  If my DS ignores what I ask him to do, after I ask him a few times, then I, too, would probably say it harshly "when I ask you to do something, you do it".

As another PP noted, perhaps your  DH feels that your  DS is too "sweet" and "gentle".  As a mom, I think we have a tendency to baby our kids way more than the dads do.  Sometimes, it can be hard to watch.  I'm sitting here as my DH and DS are trying to do something, and DH is getting frustrated with my DS and starting to speak harshly to him.  I looked at my DS's face and could see he was getting affected by it.  But, they worked it out.  I said nothing.  I have to let the two of them work it out.

I think it's good that you have mentioned this to your DH, but you also have to realize that your DH may have different opinions about how to raise your kids.  Certainly, my DH and I do, but we try to back each other up as much as possible, but also talk to each other in private about how to better deal with situations.  Sometimes, he disagrees with the way I do things; he calls me too soft (which, personally, I think is laughable because I am inherently not a soft person).  But, you see, even to my DH, I'm too "soft".

I do agree with another PP about how we are coddling our kids way too much.  Our generation's parenting skills have really gone the other way, and I think we need to bring it back to somewhere in the middle.[/quote]

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