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[quote=Anonymous]DE mom here 20 years on. Just did not want to share anymore with people for several reasons. 
-- the required counselling seemed like a business plan for the psych group to me. Relentless -- no choice and tell, tell, tell. At that time door sperm were Ok with not telling, which seemed a bit sexist to me. I thought it was ridiculous especially after having been a teacher and heard all the "adoption stories" from my students. Did not seem to be helping them much.
-- we found in telling about our RE experience in general that you have no control over who tells what to whom -- even best friends fell it is OK to tell "just one person". So we would have friendly neighbors/ community members coming up and asking us how things were going. Since we had a several miscarriages, that was ...awkward and painful.
-- as for depriving our kids of their "right to know" our family has been blindsided by genetic issues that could not have been predicted anyway. So more information does not always give you a free pass in genetics.
-- what and who to tell during the process felt very different when they were preschoolers and the whole infertility was a thing of the past. We are not ashamed -- just want to maintain our privacy.
-- we have to discuss it at some point because there are genetic issues. Some good and some bad -- but that is a topic for an adult, not a preschooler/ baby/ child/ our friends
-- note the PPs who are vehement about "your obligation" -- is it any of their business?
-- never have had one single regret about this decision.
This worked for us, maybe you have a different perspective. The years go very quickly and being a good parent is hard work. Best of luck to all.
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