Reply to My husband's ex has been bad-mouthing me to him

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Reply to "My husband's ex has been bad-mouthing me to him"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, if you don't want to do the kid stuff, you need to work that out with your DH.  Don't act like it's "her" kids and "her" responsibility-- the kids belong to both parents.

I am sooooo sick of second wives who act like their DH is God's gift to the ex just because he (with her help) does his fair share.[/quote]

It actually sounded to me like the ex is mad because OP won't cover carpools that the ex is supposed to take care of. I love that my ex's lady helps out with kid logistics but I would never expect her to cover for me. I wouldn't expect her to cover for my ex. Our kid is our responsibility at the end of the day and any assistance from other people (even if we are married to them) is to be appreciated not expected. [/quote]

I'm the OP. This is the case. I was making an effort to pick up the slack on days that she was slated to take care of things (she has a kid from her second marriage and I volunteered to do stuff early on in an effort to make things cool between us). I guess what hurt was realizing that she takes that for granted and that she's even willing to say uncool things about me. When it's our turn and we are scheduled to drive, etc, my husband and I handle things. So I was wrong for implying they're "her" kids and "her" responsibility. All I meant was that she's gotten used to me taking over for her when it's her turn. I pretty much assumed we were cool since she is nice to my face. [/quote]

You should read Stepmonster.  It's about exactly this type of dynamic, and about how to maintain boundaries that you are actually ok with.  But honestly, in a "blended family" my experience has been that even when everyone steps up and does what they perceive as going above and beyond, nobody is really with each other satisfied and there is still a lot of lingering resentment.  It's just that difficult to manage multiple kids over multiple households and all the divorce and remarriage baggage.  Sorry but that's been the reality of my experience.[/quote]

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