Reply to Why is separation/divorce so awful? I am a wreck and don't know where to turn...

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Reply to "Why is separation/divorce so awful? I am a wreck and don't know where to turn..."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here, part of the trouble is I don't have such a friend.  I have my sisters, all far away but I have not nurtured friendships locally while I was married.  I guess that is my action plan for the future if I can stop crying and start calling.  [/quote]

I know it's hard but you can't focus on what ex is doing but focus on the things that will make you happy. Being happy with who you are as a person and doing fun activities.  I would join a local support group because that will be the easiest way to meet moms in your situation and have people to socialize with. Also look into physical activities that you may enjoy.  I know adults my age that went to back to dance they did as a kid like adult Jazz dance classes.  My hobbies, other than reading, are not really family friendly but I think one day I would like to return to that person that traveled the world and went salsa dancing.  My friends that are divorced all have joint custody and would have preferred that the marriages worked out but you play the hand your are dealt in life.  I see this hybrid world where 50% of the time they are 100% focused on the kids and 50% of the time they have a life outside of the kids, they can go out to happy hours after work with their friends, go to college alumni events, they can go out on dates, they can go to the movies, they can plan a girls trip for a birthday - sort of the life pre marriage and kids.  You do have to be comfortable being alone in the house ...not having anyone else around. I think that was the biggest adjustment for everyone. In all seriousness if being alone in a quiet house freaks you out, I would consider getting a pet.

I really think as you do more to feel happy being own your own, having hobbies, having fun, enjoying life and smiling, you will be in a place to make friends and eventually date people.  There could be lots of reasons that it seems like your son prefers his dad's house (same gender and relates more, material things, more relaxed on the rules) but I do know if you are a wreck and Dad's house doesn't have that heavy emotion and unhappiness, all things being equal I think a teenager would prefer the household that doesn't put the emotional  responsibility on them(I.e. You are all I have and I have no life outside of you and I'm unhappy but you can't fix it )

I believe that saying living well is the best revenge so it won't matter beyond the ego sting  if ex moved on in a hot minute when you have a happier more fulfilling life than you had with the ex.  Wishing you all the best luck getting there.[/quote]

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