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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your mother is getting older and thinking about mortality. If she's gone, who will be your family? She doesn't want to leave you all alone. That's where she's coming from.

If you want to get to know your cousins better, then start going to all family events. If you don't care, send a check and let that be the end of it. Either one is really okay. 
[/quote]

Bingo. Exactly what I thought when I read the post. Mom is seeing all the adult kids are having milestone events in their lives like marriages, and she's realizing she would like to build more family ties for you and for herself before she is gone. That's pretty normal for parents as they age, and I hope you can be understanding about where she's coming from even if she's not fully aware of it herself.

OP, you do not have to go to this wedding, so send a reasonable wedding gift (no shower gift necessary) and a really nice card with a written note. Tell your mom that finances and time don't allow you to go. If she tries to guilt you, distract and divert: Make plans to do something with mom when the wedding's over. And keep making plans with her. She won't be around forever. Unless she is truly incessant about guilting you or is toxic with you in other ways -- if this is just about this one wedding and this one cousin you don't care about (understandably) -- then let this be your notice that mom is feeling her age and looking ahead to when she's not around.

As for destination wedding as vacation: Unless that destination would absolutely be my own choice for a vacation, if I were choosing with no wedding or other obligation involved, I wouldn't use a wedding as "Oh, well, it's a nice place to be so I'll go for that reason." I'd rather spend that money on going somewhere I truly want to be, on my own terms, with my own family members. If you really feel you'dl ike the "family reunion" aspect enough to go, then go for that plus the destination, but otherwise, say no nicely to mom.[/quote]

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