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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I'm trying to find a way to engage the discussion and find a solution that doesn't end with both of us resenting each other.

The best way is to find the money and make it happen. That means we have to cut things out that both of us like and want.

For me right now. I know I need to be the bigger person and cut out things I like to do so that she can do this. So, I could cut out sporting events. I can check myself from saying, "hey, let's grab drinks and a bite to eat."  I can sacrifice a trip to see my family.

The emotional hill for me to climb is the fact that she wants to spend this kind of money on a trip without me. I find that hurtful, but I recognize that I need to get beyond feeling like that. I'm sure she is excited by the opportunity (hopefully more so than the desire to get away from the family for a while).

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I feel like you are making yourself feel guilty, when in reality, she planned something without discussing it with you. You shouldn't feel guilty for feeling the way you do and I think it's normal to feel hurt by her actions. That being said, I think the previous questions about budget are helpful- do you plan your budget together? Have you asked her where the money will come from? Do you know how much it will actually end up costing?

I think it's very healthy for spouses to occasionally vacation with friends and me and my DH do this once a year or so. That being said, we are both very clear about finances and make sure to discuss not only dates but locations with each other in advance (for example, he just went away with some friends and on the list of possible destinations was somewhere I've always wanted to visit together. I asked him if he could not go there but to another city on his list instead, and he accommodated that request.)

You're right that you need to find a solution that doesn't end up with either of you resenting each other, and to have a productive conversation about it. I think the budget question is a good one- how much is the trip going to cost, how will your family find a way to pay, if budget is an issue, etc. The answer certainly is not for you to cut back in all these areas so that she can go on this trip. You will end up resenting that- how could you not? But I think it might work if you can both find a way to make sacrifices.[/quote]

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