Reply to SAHMs: how do you balance time alone versus spouse's time alone

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What does he mean when he says he doesn't get enough alone time? If he's getting an hour each weekday, 2 evenings of sports, and all the way until 3 pm both weekend days (unless he's working), it sounds like he's getting an awful lot of alone time already. Is it perhaps that he needs more downtime during the week, because he's feeling burned out come weekend? Maybe you could take more time in the evenings (e.g., not hand over childcare as soon as he comes in the door) and then have him go on duty earlier each day during the weekends to make it up?

One things that jumped out at me from a bigger picture, though, even though I know it wasn't your question. When do all three of you get family time together to do things? It kind of sounds like you're treating your toddler like a hot potato you're just passing from one person to the other.[/quote]

OP here.  It's just hard because after a 12 hour day with our son, I'm ready for him to take over childcare when he comes home.  And my husband goes to bed really early as it is (9:30 pm).

We don't really have family time except meal times.  Once in awhile (maybe once a month) we will all go out and do something together on a weekend but overall we don't have family time.  [/quote]

Given your responses, I don't think the alone time is the issue, I think the family dynamics are more problematic than that. You're so thoroughly drained and overwhelmed with one toddler that you can barely do basic housework and can't run errands at all, and your husband is so disengaged that even though he only spends a few hours a week with your child, he's looking to escape even more. Having a toddler is tiring, but not to the extent you describe. If you haven't done so in the last year or so, I would strongly recommend that you both get full physicals to rule out physiological reasons for your exhaustion/disconnection, and also get screened for depression. If that doesn't help, some counseling, jointly or individually, might help you work through things, connect a bit more and develop some better coping mechanisms. You can treat the symptoms by getting more childcare help and both of you basically checking out on your family, but that's not going to work well in the long run.[/quote]

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