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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't think you have to take any big stand, or make any overt gestures. Quite the opposite, I would suggest starting small and 
1. Don't answer the phone or reply to texts after a certain time, whenever you choose that time to be
2. Stop picking up her kid from any activities
Those are just from the examples you provided. I would add a third specific thing you will do for something else that you don't want to do anymore, like buying her coffee or spotting her money at outings.

You almost need to think of it as retraining yourself, since you are so used to saying "yes." If you start with a few specific things and stick to it, you can gradually add in other changes and it will be more of a natural change and you can see how she responds [/quote]

I agree with this advice.   The way through this (hopefully without confrontation or distress for anyone) is not to make a big thing or do anything specific, it's about not doing as much.  It's about saying no sometimes or simply not being available.

PP's number 1 is the perfect example.  Don't answer the phone.  I started doing this after I had my kids - my best friends would call all the time, repeatedly, expecting me to still have the long chatty talks we used to have.  Or expecting me to be available for long chatty talks after the kids were in bed - which was usually the only time I got to talk to my husband.  Then when I didn't answer calls she would start leaving messages like "is everything ok?  Is anything wrong?"  Once or twice I said things like "sorry I could chat - but J and I were just getting a chance to have a bite to eat, or were just getting a minute to deal with our taxes, or do laundry, or whatever..."  It took a  little while to adjust but now it's fine and no one's feelings got hurt.

I also have a very needy sister - always in crises of one kind or another, always needing support - and I've always been there.  Now it's no longer good for me to be as available so I use my increasingly hectic life and needs of my own family as my gracious out.  I don't answer as many calls, I don't go running for every crisis, I frequently share how busy I am in a way that lets her know I'm less available but that's not about her - it's my own busy life.

Anyway, I'm rambling and it's becoming all about me.  Sorry!  :-)

Just practice saying no,  and come up w/ a few gracious ways to do it.  I'm so sorry but I'm really swamped with work, kids, family stuff...   Sorry I couldn't return your call - husband and I were in the middle of a conversation I couldn't really leave.  Etc...

Also, don't jump in to solve things for her.  Start thinking of your role as her friend differently.  You don't have to offer resources or solutions or inconvenience yourself.  Don't volunteer to do as much, volunteer to listen (or have lunch as pp suggested.)  Ask "what are your options" when she tells you about a problem, instead of saying "I can give/do/offer..."

Not sure if you have kids or not but they have been such a gift to me in terms of giving me a way to graciously (and understandably) be less available than I used to be.  And people can hear that kind of a no without taking it as personally.

Good luck OP.[/quote]

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