Reply to DS Pursuing Relationship w/Deadbeat Dad

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[quote=Anonymous]I understand where you are coming from on this, having a very mentally ill relative (refuses treatment) who is unpredictable, prone to extreme anger, and extremely good at manipulation. Most family members have cut off contact entirely at this point. I worry some day my DC may want to meet their relative, and it scares me.

Your nephew is almost certainly going to get burned. It's not likely deadbeat dad has improved at this point. But as people point out, you can't protect him from that. However, you can try to set up your nephew to be on his guard against financial or emotional manipulation. You will need to let go of your own anger in order to have that conversation otherwise nephew will shut down. Remember, he shares genes with this guy and may personalize what you say. You are talking about his father.

I'd practice calmly expressing concern and at the same time offering practical advice. Possibly ways to say this:

I understand you want to meet him and I support your feelings in this. I am worried you will be hurt. 
I am worried about you getting physically, emotionally, or financially hurt by the meeting. 
Would you consider a shorter meeting for the first time? 
I am worried about his mental state.
If he does x, know you can call me at any time of night and we will do whatever we can.

etc etc.

You really need to work on saying it calmly, though, because otherwise your message is going to be lost.

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