Reply to DS Pursuing Relationship w/Deadbeat Dad

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Okay guys I get it. I'll leave it alone, be supportive through clenched teeth and join Sis in helping him shoulder on when he realizes Deadbeat doesn't love him at all, much less as much as Sis and I.

PP, I'm a female. (Would a male really be this worked up?) but I get your confusion.

I also understand a child's unconditional love for parents. But it's usually for parents who've been there-perfect, imperfect or otherwise. Deadbeat is a sperm donor. Not a parent. Dearest Nephew will come to see this.[/quote]

Many kids want to meet their dad even when he was only a sperm donor, even a real sperm donor from the sperm bank!  There is a natural desire to know your parentage.  Unlike others I think you have every right to be angry and disgusted with deadbeat dad.  However, I don't think it's useful to express that anger or disgust to the mom or son.  Find some other way to get it out (like venting here).  You have valid concerns about the visit -- I"m worried dad is looking to take financial advantage, I'm worried son will be disappointed, I'm worried about violence, etc.  If you express your anger while you discuss these concerns, then the listener will not be able to hear past your anger, and you will not be able to discuss valid concerns and how to manage them.  (like, I don't think son should stay with dad)

Kids will eventually realize who is really there for them if they are taught to focus on honesty, kindness, reciprocity and reliability in relationships in general.[/quote]

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