Reply to DS Pursuing Relationship w/Deadbeat Dad

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I really don't have anger. I included details to give a full picture, but there's no anger. No, I do not like Deadbeat anymore than anyone likes a 'man' who pulls the disappearing act on his child.

I'm more concerned. Okay and disgusted. How convenient to step up and play daddy now.

The good news is that I haven't shared my feelings with him about this. Sis just told me about it this morning.[/quote]

Uh...op? you have anger.  :) You can call it "disgust" if you want, but being as upset as you are indicates you are still angry at this guy. Why not admit it?  it's to your credit. I disagree with PP that it's a bad thing, you just need to keep your head and focus on the issue at hand: keeping your nephew safe. He's an adult and needs to be able to handle himself. "stranger danger" is for little kids. Let's say he goes to visit and deadbeat does do something that puts him in danger. will he know what to do?  Focus on that. Focus on getting him the skills he needs to handle whatever might happen. [/quote]

Anger...disgust...whatever. I don't think this guy is good for my nephew. Sis and I gave all we had to this kid. I just can't help but wonder if he'd be so willing to reunite if Nephew was a low income, needy HS drop out (like the bio kids Deadbeat was there for) instead of a successful college kid who's had every financial advantage in life. No thanks to Deadbeat or that minimal amount of child support Sis got from age 3-18 with no increase.[/quote]

Then the skills you, as surrogate dad, need to make sure your nephew has are financial. How not to be taken advantage of. How to know when people want you for who you are vs what you have.  Let's hope you've been teaching him those all along.

Just be there for him. My sister is a social worker and has seen it all, and she says one truth she's come to recognize is kids love their parents. Period. Even when they shouldn't, even when the parent has been terrible. that's what you're dealing with here--a strong desire on nephew's part for his past to have been different. When he is disappointed, you'll  be there to remind him that while he didn't have a decent dad, he was lucky enough to have the next best thing--a decent uncle who stepped up.  Vent to us, vent to your sister maybe even, but say nothing to nephew. Just be there for him. [/quote]

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