Reply to I left my toxic marriage- YOU CAN TOO!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Congrats on brainwashing your child in to not liking her father.

Telling him "he is sick" when he gets angry.  There goes any discipline he'll be able to enforce.

Sending her to therapy with a therapist YOU like...so most likely have said stuff to you to believe the therapist will say the things YOU want your daughter to hear.

I'm glad you got out of your marriage.  But don't turn your child against her father.  [/quote]

OP here. Alot of assumptions. For your sake, I will clarify.

1) He was DX'd with depression and anger issues. That was two years ago. His anger was completely out of bounds. I had to explain he was ill, because he was and is.  I supported any parenting of her that he did that was reasonable. But if he got "weird" I would pull him aside later and try to reason with him that what he jsut said was not quite working.

2) We have a therapist that we saw as a couple. That is the therapist I proposed to him (at the most recent psychiatric appointment I was invited by the doc and him) to attend as a family to make sure she is ok. He agreed. But that doesnt mean it will happen. I hope it does.

3) I do have my own therapist who explained to me that kids can be frightened by the prospect of dealing with a parent with mental illness. I asked if I could meet with him and her to discuss. We will see what he says. I have no agenda but what is best for my child. But the truth must be part of that.

4) From the very start of problems, when my daughter would come to me and tell me of her interactions with her father and her feelings about them, I would always explain where it was clear that he had completely appropriate feelings and points in a given situation. However, in order to validate his VALID parenting points and concerns, I had to validate her observations of things that didnt sound quite right.

Im sorry for whatever situation you have found yourself in that would lead you to assume I would turn my daughter against her father. The fact is, I hope more than anything that he will get the help he needs so SHE can see the guy I MARRIED 20 years ago. It is vitally important that she gets a shot at knowing HIM, inasmuch as he will allow it, and inasmuch as his illness will allow him to reveal it to her.

The good news is, according to a friend of ours, he intends to "keep his appointments" with his doc. This tells me he at least understand that some help is needed. It was his choice to blame ME for all his issues, which stem from the treatment his parents meted out.

Had they loved my future husband like he deserved to be loved, as a sensitive super talented child, then I would still be married to him.  He would not have raised his fist at me, nor try to turn our daughter against me while screaming in my face at 2 inches distance.

It is a sad thing to realize that there are some maladies of the mind and soul that no amount of love can repair retroactively.  My husband is loved deeply by his daughter. I have taught her that her love is something he not only deserves but needs. At the same time, when he says things like "Im not coming to Christmas because you didnt apologize to me sincerely enought" that this does not come from the best that he is, but from what has taken him over.[/quote]

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