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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here...these grandparents are 60ish and fairly spry. I totally get that they aren't into playing with kids! [b]But I think I'm hurt that they never call to ask what the kids are up to or ask about milestones for the baby - new tooth? Crawling? That type of thing. Zero interest. [/b]And yet theyvputvon this show to friends and acquaintances that they're so overjoyed to be grandparents. I find it very disingenuous. visits -whether we go to them or they come here- [b]are all about what they want to do. Kennedy Center play in the evening? Not baby friendly. [/b]

Definitely not trying to be a jerk to them and would live for them to have. Real relationship with the kids. The reality is disappointing.[/quote]

If they have grandkids ranging from preteen to babies -- sounds like they have a number of grandkids. I'm sorry but your baby's new tooth or crawling is just not a fascination by the time they get to grandkid number 4 or 8 or whatever it is. I don't blame them for not caring -- they've raised their kids and probably cared a bit about these "important" milestones for the first one or two grandkids and then it was like -- ok -- all kids get teeth,  let's get over it. They also likely are over the baby/little kid thing altogether. Everyone likes a cute kid -- hence the showing of pictures -- but many/most don't care for kid activities and kid talk. It's your job as the parents to dote over Aidan on the big boy jungle gym -- not theirs -- and they are of the generation where they probably didn't even dote on their kids' "accomplishments" that much. If they're into things like events at the Kennedy Center, they will relate to grandkids better when they are older teens and adults you know -- can actually have intelligent conversations; they may just have no interest in going to "kid friendly" things.[/quote]

Excellent response. OP, heed this one, please. It is not a character flaw in grandparents to not want to coo over, or even ask about, every new tooth, or to not be interested in play after more than a grandkid or two has come along. Here's the positive flip side: When the kids are older and able to appreciate things like an outing to the Kennedy Center or wherever, it's possible the grandparents will be glad to take them there and share with them on that level. You might find that people you think are bad grandparents to your younger kids are much more engaged when the kids are, frankly, old enough to talk sensibly and do things that don't have to be kid-friendly all the time. It might not be your ideal of grandparenting but it also doesn't make them bad people.

I've had a couple of friends who had similar complaints, and it always seemed that those friends' experiences with their own grandparents, as they grew up, were either (1) grandparents who were the perfect, doting ones who did a lot with the child who is now the parent, or (2) grandparents who were either dead, absent, or around but not "into" them as they grew up. Is it possible that your own ideal of what a grandparent should be and do is making you hold up your kids' grandparents to some standard that may not be realistic, based somehow on your own good or bad experiences? Just a thought.

One other thought: For a reality check, read past posts on here or other parenting forums complaining about over-involved, invasive, boundary-free grandparents who insist on being around too much and interfering in a family's life and being all over the kids to the point that the parents are furious. Then count your blessings. Some families have grandparents who are so over-involved it's toxic. Your kids' grandparents may not be warm and fuzzy or even very engaged but they aren't toxic.[/quote]

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