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[quote=Anonymous]OP here.  Now for some examples.  Sorry for the length.  I'm trying to report accurately.

Recently he's been somewhat more distant.  95% of the time, I'm sure it's him being busier and a having some work/extended family stress.  I was sick, so I was more sensitive.  At a few weak moments, I thought to myself "I hope that's the only reason for his distance, and it's not because his feelings about me/us have changed".  One night, I told him that.  I said it is probably just because I am sick/sensitive, but things have been a bit different lately and I had moments where I wondered whether he still felt the same about me/us.  I said I wondered if the level of our relationship was too much for him right now.

He got very upset, defensive, wanted to know why I thought that, and "what had he done" for me to think that.  Also, he thought maybe I was considering ending the relationship because I said that.  I assured him I was not at all.  He assured me he did not want to end or change it.  But he was very upset and it carried over into the next couple days, where he couldn't really interact with me normally, and was very quiet and shut down, hardly able to talk.  On the surface, basically like sulking.  He said it was because he could see the possibility of us ending, and it scared him so much.  I believe that, and yet, it became a huge deal, and he was very "hurt".  And it made me wonder if it isn't also a manipulation (though I'm sure his feelings are real).

A couple days later, he was out of town and we were talking on Skype video.  He was still very stoic/closed with me over the thing I wrote about above, so we had an awkward conversation about just regular things.  I was still sick and so a bit sensitive, and off center from this thing with him.  FWIW, I have been told I am "low maintenance" and "not a drama queen", etc., so I am not a woman who is spouting my feelings all the time and expecting my butt to be kissed.  So anyway, we were nearing the time we should be getting offline and going to bed, but hadn't said goodnight.  When he travels, we usually say a sweet goodnight on video.  My laptop battery died right then, which has happened before, so he knows I come right back.  I was quickly plugging in and getting back on.  When I got back online, 3 mins later, he had left a short written msg saying goodnight, and was gone already.  I guess because things between us felt so distant and tenuous, and I was sick and sensitive, I felt blown off.  It's not our usual routine to do say goodnight like that.  I also wondered if it was a little passive-aggressive play because he was still sulky/injured.  So I wrote "I feel blown off", then wrote that I wasn't trying to hurt him by saying that, just being honest about my feelings.  And that I would have liked to have the opportunity to say goodnight back, on video.

He was very hurt by that and said he didn't think he did anything wrong, and I have no basis to say he was blowing me off.  Of course, I mean, I "felt" blown off, not that he blew me off.  I explained at the same time I was describing my feelings.  However, I think I could have phrased that better.  I also think he is very sensitive, because someone could say that to me, and I'd be concerned and say "oh I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to blow you off..." and it'd be no big deal.

Thanks to all who read this and give input!  [/quote]

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