Reply to Would you tell your son about your own rape?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Uhhh no. Seriously, you cant walk around playing a sad violin tune your entire life. The whole world, including your children, dont need to know that you were raped. Not sure what you think this information will do for them. To the person saying why lie, its not lying. I know no one that tells their children everything, like when they tried drugs, when you had a threesome, when you went skinny dipping, etc. [/quote]

A threesome is private sexual behavior, and I don't think it is necessary in most cases to share private details of your sex life with anyone but sex partners.

I would certainly tell the truth about alcohol and drug use to my child, and I had any experience with skinny dipping, I would have no bother mentioning it (though I can't imagine a context when it would come up).

Disclosing that you have survived a violent crime is a very different category of disclosure, and I think it is an important and valuable story to share if a survivor feels ready to do so.  We are raising men, not boys, and in the case of rape, it is particularly important that we raise men who don't rap and would never rape.  [/quote]

That is, don't rape.  Rapping is fine.  (Sorry - iPhone typing.)

The other point I meant to make is that your examples of sex, skinny dipping, and drug use are all those in which the mom is the actor, the agent of the activity.  Rape is not a voluntary activity, it is a crime that someone else perpetrated on her.  It is not some minor life event not worth mentioning.  It is a life-altering violent crime that the woman has survived.  Not mentioning it would be akin, as far as I'm concerned, to never mentioning having studied abroad or having had a previous marriage or having been adopted.  It's something so significant that a person's closest lived ones should know and understand, if the survivor is ready and able to tell.[/quote]

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