Reply to DH sobered up, I'm contemplating an EA, advice?

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Reply to "DH sobered up, I'm contemplating an EA, advice?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What you are going through is totally normal. I've been in AA for a long time. (21 years in June)  I've seen a lot of marriages break up when the alcoholic spouse gets sober. The spouse changes.  In a lot of ways, they change for the better, but often those changes (even for the better) negatively affect the marriage.  The non-alcoholic spouse gets a look at their sober spouse and decides "Nope, still don't want to be married to you." and wonders "Why did I wait around for THIS?"

A marriage to a sober alcoholic isn't all sunshine and roses. All of the problems aren't solved, just because the drunk stopped drinking.

So... you have to decide what to do and how to do it. You can stay or you can go and no one will blame you in either instance. (If your drunk spouse is angry at you, screw him. He needs to deal with his own side of the street.) For your sake, if you stay or go, try to do it cleanly.  Be honest. Don't sneak around. If you're going to walk, just do it. If you're going to stay and work on the marriage, do that, without sneaking around on the side.

Good luck.  This is a really tough situation for the marriage. [/quote]

I need to add one more thing:  if this is about sex, then you are not wrong.  You have reasonable expectations of physical affection in your marriage. You are totally within your rights to lay it on the table and tell him "I want physical affection and sex within my marriage. If you are not interested, that is a deal breaker for me. I am either going to have an affair or leave the marriage.  Or we can work on this issue. Which would you prefer?" [/quote]

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