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[quote=Anonymous]First, I hope that the test results came out okay.  The next thing I want to say is that I think underneath feeling frustrated is this fear.  You want to know that your child can be this self-supporting adult some day in the near future and you feel this pressure even more because you are a single mom and going thru a health issue.

I think as parents there is always this struggle to find that balance between letting your kids assume responsibility and the consequences and when to step in to help them.  I don't think there is a magic answer as to which way to go and it can depend on the child but I think you have to be clear in your expectations, follow thru, and your consequences be related/proportion to the issue.  In your story with the academic probation it is completely justified to say he has one more semester to bring up his grades or he has to transfer to a local college.  I think it's also fair to say you need to know his plan is to bring up his grades, what resources will he use etc, how do you know he is on track and reasonable checkpoints versus waiting until final grades.  With the financial papers, I personally would not have stressed myself out after the second time mentioning it and spelling out what it means if it is not done, and letting him know where your involvement ends. When you are working harder to do something than the person that should be motivated to do it for themselves, you have to question it - either they don't really want it, they are having emotional issues about dealing with success and failure (like they are afraid to really want something and try hard and not get it) or they haven't lived in the reality of knowing if they don't do it no one else will. If you are sure that he wanted to go back to that college, I would assume he would do what he had to clear it up and ask for help if he can't or he would learn the hard way about not taking care of those sort of things.  He wouldn't make that mistake twice and better to learn now.  With the car, it is whatever rules you established with the car ...if you are paying for the cost and the Insurance and he is borrowing the car, he needs to ask before using it. If you have given him a car as a gift that he is free to use as he wants, then as pissed off as you were he technically didn't break the rules of the car use by leaving when he did.

Kids frustrate us for sure. Now in my 40's between various work situations and having older elementary age children I feel like I finally can see clearly what my parents were trying get across and likely their fear I would end up unhappy in work, love, and relationships if I never learned all these life lessons though out  childhood.  I won't lie that some of it depends on the child.  Different levels of happiness between my siblings and there is still hope that everyone will find their way. But the biggest lesson my parents did teach me is at some point you are responsible for your actions and any consequences and while they will love us as our parents, our relationship cannot and will not be the same at 26 or 36 as it was at 16.[/quote]

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