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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Me, too, OP. My husband smoked long before we met -- had been smoke-free for seven years at the time. He was very critical of people who smoke, saying he was able to quit with the patch and it's disgusting, etc. Well, guess what? Being married and having small kids and a demanding job is stressful, and he went back to it three years into our marriage. I hate it and often think about how I never wanted to be married to a smoker and [b]feel like I got tricked into marrying one[/b]. It's a total turn-off and affects our sex life and I hate the example it sets for the kids, even though he tries to sneak away. But they will know some day if they don't yet.

But I also think there's really nothing I can do about it. I can't control his behavior. I've told him how much it bothers me and why. He wants to quit and has tried the patch and gum, but is having a harder time. So I just try not to let it get to me and repeat the serenity prayer. [/quote]

It's funny how I had this conversation with a colleague yesterday about why I DO NOT as a rule date women who smoke, or promise quit for me. My colleague thought I was too rigid, but the truth is, from my experience there are no guarantees that recidivism will not occur...and in both your cases it has.

The truth is, marrying a former smoker is a big risk in every area, so I encourage both you and OP to be supportive and get all available professional help, instead of trying to be too rigid. Separating for a while is a sure way of sending the right message.[/quote]

Separate for smoking some fags?   Are you a divorce lawyer or just a bitter former spouse?[/quote]

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