Reply to How did you get close to the ultimatum line?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm a 40 something husband in a sexless marriage (using the definition of once a month or less) and I'm getting tired of telling my wife in various ways that we need to have more sex.  My communication has evolved over the years.  Early it was positive, trying to romance and seduce her.  Later it became more direct "we need to have more sex" and then direct and structured, "let's talk about a plan to have more sex, like x times a month."[b]  I'll concede that in between, I've gotten passive aggressive in stretches.  That's largely a result of being enormously frustrated but trying desperately not to "go negative."[/b]  Years into the sexlessness, I've just about had it.

I've heard about people giving ultimatums along the lines of "if we don't start having sex, I'm out of here," or "if we don't start having sex, I want an open marriage."  None of that seems productive to me.  [b]Part of the difficulty in the whole situation is that I want her to want me. [/b] I can't make her due that under duress.  And if she starts having more frequent sex with me because I've threatened to leave, that sounds like awful sex.

So, my question.  For those who came close to the "ultimatum" line but not over it, and it worked, how did you do it while staying positive?  And for those who crossed it, what was the point where it went negative?  Details please.[/quote]

You realize that passive aggression is a total turnoff, right? For me, when someone starts acting passive aggressive, I lose all respect and affection for them. It's that fast. I think thats the same for many people.  Its insidious and seeps into the relationship.  If you want more sex, STOP being passive aggressive.  Now.  No matter how justified you may feel- that is not how you express your feelings, as an adult. [/quote]
Don't turn it around on him PP.[/quote]

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