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[quote=Anonymous]OP here. Two PPs, re: the "out of town" issue.

Our custody agreement has a "right of first refusal" section about how out of town travel is handled. If he's going out of town, he's supposed to ask me if I can take her during the times when he's away. If I cannot, or do not want to for whatever reason, he is to make "necessary arrangements". The "necessary arrangements" are not spelled out. Like I've said, our relationship is good and we trust each other's judgment. I have days where I have to be at work when her school is closed and my husband stays home with DD unless Ex wants to stay home with her instead. This has been happening this week, for example. Everyone is taking a day off to stay home with her, on whatever the usual schedule would be. It sounds overly complicated when I spell it out like that, but it's really a 2 minute conversation about logistics that has worked well in the past.

I have no problem including Girlfriend in that calculus, the same way we started including my husband in it when we got engaged and moved in together. My Ex, for the record, has zero problem with my husband. They actually enjoy each other's company when they are together at kid events or whatever.  I would really love to get to a similar point with whoever my ex settles down with (whether it's Girlfriend or Future Girlfriend). This is why I was concerned about the "out of town" issue. Also because the last time Ex was away for an extended stretch, DD asked about Girlfriend a lot, and given the tense relationship we apparently have right now, I did not feel comfortable reaching out to Girlfriend to set up a "play date" between her and DD and the dog. DD is old enough to express these wants but not really old enough to understand why I'm not comfortable with it (nor would I want to bring her into it anyway - I love that she's got so many people in her life who care about her and don't want to taint any of those relationships.)

After thinking about all this throughout the weekend, I really don't think I'm going to talk to my ex about any of this. I wish that there was some magical conversation we could have that would make everything better, but talking about it seems to be just borrowing trouble. My current plan is to continue as I began and just be nice and friendly to everyone and open to whatever and hope that things get better as time goes on.

Thank you everyone for your advice, even the PP who was mean. Sometimes it is good to hear that your wishes that things will magically get better are pipe dreams. Makes you appreciate what you have. Happy NY everyone![/quote]

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