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[quote=Anonymous]Hi everyone. OP here. A few things:

1.  I am fine with it not being my problem at this point. I have plenty of friends and Girlfriend and I do not appear to have all that much in common (per what I know about her from mutual friends of his and mine). What I do care about is are the times when it affects DD, or my interactions with my ex.  She got weirded out, for example, that I pressed him yesterday about summer camp, because they haven't decided their summer plans yet and she felt, in his words, that it was "inappropriate for [me] to ask about summer plans," even in the context of camp. I could not possibly care less about what weeks they're going on vacation, or where, except that we do need to figure out what camps DD is going to this summer, so general ballpark of when their vacation is needs to happen. I think he needs to stop mentioning things like this to me, since it's not my business. I also think that because she doesn't have a child, she maybe doesn't understand that yes, we need to talk about July camps in January. (Frankly, it is crazy that we have to but that's life, I guess.)

2. His parents. Early on, when we split up, it was important to me to maintain good relations with his parents because they also remain DD's family and I didn't want it to be drama. I inadvertently stepped in it with his dad one time by NOT coming in to say hello when dropping DD off, and Ex was pretty pissed, got mad at me for "disrespecting" his dad, etc. since then I have been careful to be friendly but not overly involved with them. His mom is a crackpot who mostly bugs me on Facebook. I ignore her whenever possible but she is pretty relentless so my strategy now is to either answer her question ("DD is a size 4") or refer her to her son. But I can't control her behavior and blocking her would almost certainly result in her complaining to him about it. I don't care for her, but his dad is another story. Him I genuinely like as a person and I'm not willing to sabotage that relationship, which is 15 years of positive interactions, because it bugged new girlfriend that I talked to him about DD's ballet recital for 3 minutes one time.

3. My main concern is that their relationship is serious. On track for engagement, marriage, other kids, the works. I would love that for DD (and for my ex, frankly - I'm sure he'll be a great husband for someone else), but the air of animosity surrounding literally every interaction we've had makes it hard for me to feel okay with the idea of Girlfriend having custody of DD while Ex is gone, or being in charge on vacation, or whatever. I worry that if something went wrong, she wouldn't call me, or tell me about something important. I know part of that goes with the divorce territory, but my husband is always very conscientious of including Ex in his thinking about parenting, etc. If he was home with DD and something went wrong, he'd call both of us. I just don't believe Girlfriend would, at this point. So I keep trying to be friendly, saying hi, bringing he damn donuts or whatever, being patient, in hopes that she'll get there eventually.

Thanks for listening and saying nice things. I try to be kind and friendly to everyone and also to rise above but it's frustrating to feel like I'm the only one doing that. [/quote]

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