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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi DCUM, I am dealing with a big decision right now and I need lots of anoymous advice from the internet.

I am currently 4 months pregnant. My father in law has just offered to relocate from California to be our nanny when the baby comes. [b](the TLDR: He has very poor money managing and long term planning skills. [/b]he moved to CA earlier this year becuase he got evicted, is now living in his roomate's aunt's trailer and his unemployment ran out. The job prospects in his area, for his skill set are abysmal)

I am really ambivalent about this.

[b]I really don't like the idea of sharing my rather small home with another adult and his two cats[/b]. FIL is a nice person but not someone I really know very well. Since he's always lived on the other side of the country and hasn't had a lot of money [b]I've only seen him maybe 6-8 times in the past 11 years [/b]of being in a relationship with DH.

On the other hand I selfishly would love to have childcare from someone who is very trustworthy. FIL was the primary care-giving parent to DH when he was growing up. He has worked as a custodian and handyman and has a very good work ethic. He is talking about helping around the house with cleaning and even doing odd jobs around the house or helping with our yard. He really has a caregiver personality. He takes a lot of pride in being a good father to DH. I don't think he's trying to move in to get a free ride or anything.

It would save DH and I from having to worry about finding a nanny/daycare. We are crunching the numbers and it's possible we could even come out ahead even if we opt to put FIL in senior housing and pay him a stipend for watching our kid. I know it's kind  of selfish of me but the reality is we live in a High COL area and childcare in my neck of the woods (silver spring) is expensive and hard to come by.

I am concerned that we really need to hammer all the details out and figure out everything even in writing before we commit to this. I think the reality is that no matter what DH feels very responsible for his father and that becasue of FIL's poor financial situation it was only a matter of time before we became financially responsible for him (as it we've already stepped in to help on other occasions)[/quote]

OP,

My dad is our nanny.  It works out great.  However, the bolded parts concern me.

FIL is not good at long term planning, you said.  There is a good chance he'll realize that being at home with a newborn is a hard adjustmetn for someone used to a lot of independence and mobility.

You don't know him very well.  Will your DH be comfortable being the one to bring up any issues with his dad?  It took awhile for my dad and I to figure out how to communicate where he didn't feel attacked, and I wasn't being so demanding.

For a few months we lived with my parents (relocated and hadn't bought a house yet).  We moved into our own home and then my parents moved in with us for a few months because they had bought a new house, but it wasn't ready by the time their old house sold.  We had a lot more challenges while living together than when living apart.  Your FIL will be arriving during a period of immense transition for you.  FIL moving in, you and DH having a baby, you returning to work...it's almost as though you're setting yourself up for failure.  Before my dad took over full time, he would visit us in DC for a week at a time and take care of the baby, and he took over child care when DD was 2, and started watching DS at 4 months as well.  It can work, but don't set yourself up for failure.  Can you start with day care, and move your FIL closer to you toward the end of the baby's first year and see how it goes? [/quote]

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