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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What people are saying here is profoundly affecting me (NP).

To those of you affected by toxic marriages of your parents- were your parents at least kind and affectionate to the kids?[/quote]

I'm sure there are many varieites of the scenario represented here (where some parents were kind and affectionate, others maybe one parent was and one wasn't, or many like a PP where one wasn't so kind and the other was checked out and emotionally unavailable).  But the more important thing you need to realize is how damaging and toxic and scarring it is for kids to see parents being unkind to EACH OTHER.  That is incredibly damaging too.  I've yet to see the truly messed up relationship (where at least one parent spends most of their time unhappy or miserable or deeply depressed) and it turned out to be a good thing they "stayed togehter for the kids".  No, all I''ve seen is where they split up and then wonder why it took them so long to take that step, or they stayed together and all hell broke loose.

The best thing for kids is modeling healthy problem solving and holding to healthy standards for how one should be treated.  Always ask yourself what you'd want your son or daughter to do if they were in a loveless or toxic or abusive or destructive relationship.  Would you want them to feel like they had to stay?  Or would you want them to feel like they deserve better and to set boundaries that if not met they get out?  Kids are most affected by what you model, no matter how much "good advice" you try to give them.  [/quote]

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